徐德勤 发表于 2009-7-1 08:27

沁园春.夏梦

<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 22pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-line-height-rule: exactly" align=center><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体"><FONT color=blue><STRONG>沁园春<SPAN lang=EN-US>. </SPAN>夏梦<SPAN lang=EN-US><?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></SPAN></STRONG></FONT></SPAN></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 22pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-line-height-rule: exactly" align=center><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体"><FONT color=blue><STRONG><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </SPAN><o:p></o:p></STRONG></FONT></SPAN></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 22pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly"><FONT color=blue><STRONG><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </SPAN><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp;</SPAN></SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体">烈日当头,知鸟声声,狗伸血舌。看蓝天一碧,片云无影; 小屋内外,墙如烙铁。气里含烟,烟笼静水,水面上更无风色。小童子,扑向清波里,寻找快活。<SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></STRONG></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 22pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly"><FONT color=blue><STRONG><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </SPAN></SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体">归来掩户脱衣,上床来摇扇竟未歇。想滔滔江水,源源入口;昆仑冰块,泻在胸膈。天山狂飙,为我东来,冲破万水千山岳。子来兮,问曦和之威,还敢猖獗?<SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></STRONG></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT color=blue><STRONG></STRONG></FONT>&nbsp;</P>

徐世琼 发表于 2009-7-1 09:35

<P>写得很好,上阕尤佳。好像用韵不正确。 </P>
<P>沁园春词调:⊙仄平平(句)&nbsp; &nbsp;⊙仄平平(句)&nbsp; 仄仄仄平(韵)&nbsp; 仄⊙平⊙仄(句)&nbsp; &nbsp;⊙平⊙仄(句)&nbsp;&nbsp; ⊙平⊙仄(句)&nbsp;&nbsp; ⊙仄平平(韵)&nbsp; &nbsp;⊙仄平平(句)&nbsp; &nbsp;⊙平⊙仄(句)&nbsp;&nbsp; ⊙仄平平⊙仄平(韵)&nbsp; 平⊙仄(句)仄⊙平⊙仄(句) ⊙仄平平(韵)&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </P>
<P>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ⊙平⊙仄平平(韵)&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ⊙⊙仄平平⊙仄平(韵)&nbsp;&nbsp; 仄⊙平⊙仄(句)&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;⊙平⊙仄(句)&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ⊙平⊙仄(句)&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ⊙仄平平(韵)&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ⊙仄平平(句)&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ⊙平⊙仄(句)&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ⊙仄平平⊙仄平(韵)&nbsp; 平平仄(句)&nbsp;&nbsp; 仄⊙平⊙仄(句)&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ⊙仄平平(韵)</P>

[ 本帖最后由 徐世琼 于 2009-7-1 09:39 编辑 ]

徐焕友 发表于 2009-7-1 19:36

此贴:handshake 亲切

徐开进 发表于 2009-7-1 19:39

此帖----------------晕头转向!
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